Single Lady Saturday Night Thoughts

For various reasons, I am at home alone on this Saturday night, being lame. And, as is normal, I am having thoughts.

One. My cats are defective felines.

I mean, they're super cute, and I love them, but they're defects, for two main reasons. First of all, they miss me when I'm gone. The joke always has been, what's the difference between a dog and a cat? The answer is a sense of time. If you leave your home but come right back in immediately because you've forgotten something, a dog is over the moon ecstatic. "Oh my god, oh my god, you've been gone sooo long, i've missed you soo much, never leave me again!!!" Do the same with the cat, and he looks at you with disdain, like, "You again?" This joke is not true with my cats. They miss me. I went to visit my parents for two days, and they were so excited to see me. They have been cuddly and needy and clingy since the moment I walked back in the door. I like having dog-cats, but I kind of have to fight the urge to tell them to act more catlike and ignore me.

Second of all, they SUCK at killing bugs. I've had a recurrent bug problem, and my cats are next to useless. Isn't one perk of domesticated animals like cats and dogs supposed to be their protective capacities?? Aren't cats supposed to be natural predators? When I got my furbabies, I assumed that since they were shelter kitties, they came from the streets. I thought they'd have mad hunting skillz. Oh, how wrong I was. This evening they sat on the window sill and watched this bug toodle all around them. Occasionally one would reach out a tentative paw and bat the thing ineffectually, but mainly they were just fascinated. I swear, this bug crawled right over Lulu's paw, and she just watched it. Name me one cat--or one creature even--that would sit and let a creepy crawly creepy crawl all over them. I can name you two. Useless excuses for protectors. Cute, but useless.

Thought Number Two. "Comfort food".

I read SELF and Fitness Magazines. I work in healthcare. I know what's good for my body and what isn't. And I try really hard to do what's good for it, not bad for it (most of the time). So when my sources try to convince me that comfort food is the enemy of my waistline, I try to listen. They tell me that comfort food is a mask for my emotional needs, that when I feel the need for chocolate I should find more healthy alternatives like talking to my friends or going for a walk. And I do try. But sometimes you just need to say "screw you" to awareness. And as I stood over my counter at 8:15, already in my pajamas, cutting huge hunks of brownie out of the pan and smearing it with peanut butter, that is exactly what I did. And I have not a regret in the world :)